Riot Games Acquires Valkyrie

 

Announced in a joint press release today, Riot Games has successfully acquired the highly anticipated virtual reality dogfighter from CCP hf, developer of Eve Online, one of the longest running, lowest grossing games of all time. In the statement Riot spokesman David “Phreak” Turley claims, “We are constantly on the look out for projects that have the potential to be successful, and we would much rather purchase them now then have them become eventual competitors for League of Legends.” The acquisition was greenlighted by Senior Vice President of Programming, Edward Millman, after 48 hours of direct negotiation with CCP Games CEO Hilmar Petursson.

CCP Hilmar, returned recently from Fanfest, said in an email in response to a request for comment, “Riot Games simply made us an offer we could not refuse. It also saves us the trouble of having to worry about how to monetize our patents.” CCP is now expected to use the increased capital to focus its attention back on the spacefaring MMO Eve Online, it’s sole active product after the announcement of Dust 514’s shutdown in the coming months. Crowd Control Productions is known for their sandbox games that allow the player unprecedented freedom in their choices. Community Manager CCP Dolan made a post on the game’s forums in response to player outcry about the internal reprioritizing of developers, which read in part, “…we have always lived by the motto, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,’ and we plan to stick by Eve well into the second, and hopefully third, decade…” in his last official statement as an employee. He is scheduled to join Riot in their office in New York later this year.

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Riot Games was formed as a start up in 2006 and has grown into a multi-million dollar enterprise using a groundbreaking strategy of microtransactions. Three years ago a majority stake was reportedly sold to Tencent Holdings Limited, a Chinese firm,  for a quarter of a billion dollars. In an interview by phone earlier today Phreak stated he was dubious about the future of Valkyrie. “Our experience is concentrated on making League of Legends the best game it can be. We are looking into options like acquiring key members of CCP’s Newcastle office to bring Valkyrie to life.” When questioned about the various awards that the game has received as a tech demo and Riot’s plans to continue that work, he asked “Do they give out awards for video games?” Phreak also stated that the President and CEO were unaware of the current deal. “Our junior staff members are allowed to greenlight personnel and property acquisitions up to a varying value on their own authority. This has led to us being more agile in our development and training cycles.”

(Editor – Just to be crystal clear, this piece is a parody and not serious. This is something we may see a little more of from Joran from time to time…)

Tags: dolan, joran, lol, parody, riot, valkyrie

About the author

Joran Jackson

Joran has a new twitter account. Follow him @SyncheofGames. When he's not writing about games he's probably playing them.

  • poor sisterblog

    trying to lure readers away from eveion?

    • xanderphoena

      Ha, no – Tubrug is a Zebro and awesome. Joran just wanted to stretch his writing muscles a little so we decided to have a little fun with it 🙂

  • Vici

    Gave me a fookin heart attack.. what a way to start the week!

  • Thorn Galen

    hahahaha!! Touche’ and a nice read anyways 🙂 Looking forward to read more of your writings.

  • CFC Grunt

    Well written until it came to CCP Shitface ehh Dolan …. That was just over the top.
    But as matter of fact, CCP IS prone to acquisition by SOE EA RIOT and the like. CCP is preparing for an exit of their private equity which means either get bought or go public….. so this piece might not be too far from reality. We will see

  • pls

    After facebook bought oculus this shit isn’t funny no mo

  • Saint

    Haha. Excellent. Inspiration for new articles: “Player built stargates to lead to neutral space to fight chinese pilots from Serenity”, “T3 Battleship development blog”, “Moon Mining Subgame similar to Repton on BBC Micro”, “POS Code to be fixed” and “Goons to disband to create Null-sec content”

  • jasperwillem

    LOL!

  • Tryaz

    Dick move :/

  • This scared the crap out of me. Like a lot… Well done!