Goons

A Fart in Space

 

The following is a submission from Darius JOHNSON. The statements therein are his opinions and are as such not related to those of Crossing Zebras. -Niden

There’s a lot of oddball shit going on in internet space today. It would be super cool if that was meant as some form of segue into a story about some clever thing that happened when this supercap pilot named Captain Cocks ran into Admiral Buttes, but honestly, there’s just some oddball shit going on.

I haven’t played the game in a very long time. I don’t really care about any sublime concept of EVE as a form of meditation or any dumb bullshit. When I played this game, I played it to step on other people’s toys and be a giant jerk of a space chaos fiend. In that time I lead the largest alliance the game has ever seen to the defeat of the largest power in the game at the end of a war spanning five or more years. After retiring, I returned to bring said alliance back from collapse and worked to find them a home (all of this achieved purely by virtue of a very talented cast of directors). This alliance is still alive and breathing today, and remains one of, if not the, pre-eminent power in EVE Online.

During that time I was also voted into the first and second Council of Stellar Management (back when vote rigging was about power instead of vanity). I’m not quite sure what the current iteration of the council even does at this point, but the first two Councils were largely devoted to figuring out what a council was. Also, dreaming up ways to file pretend parliamentary procedure emails to upset Jade Constantine as a distraction from work because he was a giant twat and really believed in parliamentary procedure. I was also granted a kind of once-in-a-lifetime gift of an opportunity to troll the New York Times, which paid double when various members of the Council wrote and said stern things about how Europe’s identity was now in jeopardy and other such nonsense. They also demanded a retraction from the New York Times about their internet space video game article.

My story actually spans the course of a decade, involves a lot of hurt feelings and angry little men, a proud and not at all humiliating as someone’s dad space presentation, and a stint as CCP’s Security Director in which we enacted a sea change in the way illicit virtual world behavior is investigated, the principals of which, though evolved, serve as solid foundations in modernizing player investigations and security communication.

I spend the first paragraphs expounding upon my space accomplishments not because I want you to become uncontrollably aroused because you’re a disgusting nerd/creep hybrid, but because I’m not so vain as to presume everyone reading this article knows who I am. I have had a unique and frankly humbling experience in every possible aspect of a game that I could never quite figure out why I was playing, but that also somehow gave me the best of my friends and experiences aside from MY WIFE. Despite a seeming love/hate relationship, I will always consider Iceland a home. I don’t feel at all bragadocious or dishonest about making the claim that I have experienced more of what EVE has to offer from end-to-end than anyone else on this planet.

Darius

I spent these first paragraphs talking about myself because I love to write about me because I am literally The Mittani, but also because they provide context for the subjects I’m about to rant about as my experience provides a unique insight into all of these topics. Also shit’s been cray and I like to stir the pot.

And so it is after great pontification and In loving homage to my dear friend Vio Geraci that I present to you: A Fart In Space – A society column

Martin Bormann

Just stop. This is sad in a dad-looking-at-you-like-what-the-fuck-have-I-done-to-this-world kind of way.

Space timesheets, audits, board meetings, founding documents, anthems, IP posturing, goatfucking

Only a sad sack of deplorable human garbage would gain any form of satisfaction from any of the above pursuits. Board meetings might be OK because you’d have a bunch of money, but you’d also probably be a dick.

On the most recent CSM changes

I recall a time way back in the distant past when bloggers were furiously mashing their keyboards demanding the mantle of journalist, and eventually the courts agreed. I was pretty grossed out by the whole concept personally but regardless, that set a standard for how as a business one should interact with a blogger. They are press.

The space drama emanates from the recent change to the CSM qualifications which stated that members of the press are unable to run. While many are angry about this, I can say with absolute certainty that this change is LONG overdue and frankly, should have been covered already with the spirit of the ban on people in the videogame industry. It’s not that there may be a conflict of interest it’s that there is. It’s also obvious.

I pushed for (may have proposed) that ban and as the guy who may have been the guy who said “hey, there’s a conflict of interest with people in the videogame industry” (which NDA do they honor? Not rocket science.) I can say that the spirit of that rule absolutely would encompass space journalists and bloggers. Sorry boys and girls but you’re going to have to collect your ten bucks a month in adsense revenue hawking psychic readings and malware some other way if you want to be a CSM. You serve some kind of purpose as space journalists. Embrace that instead of pretending it should be some preordained pathway to political success. There is no case in which the worlds of politics and journalism intersect with good results. I didn’t bother to google that but I presume it’s true in part because I have never been wrong on the internet.

On removing the real name qualifier for CSM candidacy

I hate this so much I have written it down and put my butt all over it. More than once. Then I spit on it, ran it over and put my butt all over it again, buried it for a year, dug it up and shot it with artillery.

Having my name out there due to space politics caused me all manner of annoyance. It also ensured that by my example others could learn that if you want to get involved, you need to be prepared to deal with bullshit. You will also likely be significantly more careful about what you say. I don’t regret a minute of it.

Now we have no such concept of accountability and shockingly we end up with a CSM on which SPAceCOMANd3r22 and X number of other people don’t even bother to show up. If you can’t get quality candidates maybe you should take a look at why that is instead of lowering your standards. If that’s not possible read the next section.

The CSM currently is dumb as hell, delete it

To every man there comes in his lifetime that special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered a chance to do a very special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for the work which would be his finest hour.

-Winston Churchill

I was pretty firmly supportive of the CSM program. Right up until the CSM began to feel entitled as some kind of creepy board of space directors turned real world business moguls everything was pretty cool. Then two issues collide in the form of this gross coupling of a purposely misinterpreted internal company newsletter between two people PHILOSOPHICALLY discussing opposing viewpoints on microtransactions as a thought exercise and a bunch of noble outrage about a monocle. A bunch of noble outrage that people wear like a badge of ironic achievement.

In a heroic act of self sacrifice, the CSM dropped the important work they were doing and were flown to Iceland for an EMERGENCY MEETING to debate such important topics as the outrageous cost of a 100 percent cosmetic cartoon monocle. Somewhere in here the conclusion is made that the solution to a bunch of people objecting to a thing during the scheduled presentation about said thing being ignored is to have them believe they are developers while being ignored. As a professional I can tell you nothing puts the delicious cherry on top of an ambitious project quite like having someone who works as an anime peddler for a living telling you how to do your job nonstop and having access to your co-workers ears to disparage your work and your character.

In a way it’s kind of sad. The CSM was a noble and ambitious goal. Unfortunately when you don’t have clear definitions of the separation of church and state people will take advantage of that. In very special and rare cases however they will run roughshod all over everything they can shod run on, all the while screaming angrily, voices united in some kind of hoofed frankenmonster way. You can’t cure frankenmonster. Frankenmonster needs to die. It’s the humane thing to do.

736

On space corporations as space businesses

I’ve seen some good and dear people lately caught in the crosshairs of this idiotic intersection between some kind of pseudo-space-empire turned business and actual videogame space playing. The worst perpetrator of this action happens to be a space journalist and also on the CSM. By my math that’s like 200 reasons to have validly enacted a removal and yet…. crickets. Let me put this here again:

To every man there comes in his lifetime that special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered a chance to do a very special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for the work which would be his finest hour.

-Winston Churchill

There’s quite frankly no room for this shitheel tactic of thanking people who have devoted years of their time to you and thought themselves friends beyond that with pitiful internet threats and wannabe big boy intimidation.

The internet space character Sion Kumitomo, or whatever his anime name is, is a wannabe space toughguy/businessman and also a garbage monger. I’d hurf and I’d blurf about “not in my Goonswarm” and it would sound pretty dumb. What I’ll say instead is that those of you with any pride can do better and should demand better. It’s not that I think Goonswarm should disband or anything. It’s that Goonswarm has about three Goons left in it and has a sackless zilch like Captain Roboto barking about space discipline to all three of them.

Grow some self respect. There are plenty of fine ways to have a good time that don’t involve you getting on your hands and knees to file FORM 269’s at the altar of space Ayn Rand. If you need to know what a good time is because you’ve got some bizarre form of PTSD, take a look at what decent people like Endie are doing and go do that. Nobody has to put up with this idiocy and it’s high time for people to start calling this bluff. He is not a wise and powerful space champion. He’s been given a gift and squandered it overplaying his hand and just being a dick in general. “Go fuck yourself” is the only response required from ANYONE to demands from this zero. I have never filed a space timesheet (except on a lark and I think that was an alt nobody knew about) and frankly I’d rather quit than do so. My instinctive reaction to being asked to clock in to a videogame is to mock and spit in the face of the person demanding that, but for some reason we pretend it makes sense here. I don’t think it’s Stockholm Syndrome so much as the fact that there’s not much goony about Goonswarm.

“Goonswarm” with this asshole coming down on people for their space records due to his need to play internet businessman and be space important isn’t for Goons. It’s for the legions of pubbie sycophants who are addicted to abuse and lack the intelligence or emotional fortitude to decide if they want put a stop to the cycle for themselves, and they likely won’t. You can and should all do better, even if that means just pretending this garbage human doesn’t exist and ignoring him until he flexes the only muscle he has and kicks you out. Somehow, if I lose my space GBS access my heart will find a way to go on.

Elise Randolph’s new hobby

It came to my attention this week while chatting with some bros, as one does, that Elise Randolph has taken up competing in amateur chess tournaments with old men in the park, Bobby Fischer style. He’s lost to two guys who thought they were playing baseball until their families tracked them down and took them home and a man known as “TheWeedMaster”. If any of you are good at chess, like REALLY good, he could use some coaching. Hit him up on twitter @eliserandolph and tell him your awesome chess stories and maybe give him some tips. He needs all the help he can get.

Closing

All in all, this is just a random collection of thoughts I’ve had festering, for a few years in some cases, and it wasn’t until recent events that I felt compelled to say something. I don’t really have any skin in the game insofar as what happens, aside from the usual attachment someone has when they’ve devoted a significant portion of their life to creating something that was wonderful. Even if it was an ugly baby that went around smashing everything it was still our ugly baby and I loved and nurtured it.

I still love The Mittani and I still count him among my friends. I believe he means what he says when he says “Our people deserve the best”. I just think we have different opinions of who “Our people” are (which has always been known) and what “the best” is. I’ve always been a strong proponent of a Goon master race mentality in the alliance, with partnership evolving through social compatibility. When we won the Great War, we were capable of victory because we had forged personal friendships among the leaders of many of the top alliances involved. We took the risks we did and were able to achieve what we did BECAUSE we focused on the social concerns first. Without friends we had no victory. Without burning our boats like Cortez we had no victory. It’s not sexy enough to make a selectively edited comic book about but, revisionist history and bitter mewling aside, the metagame did not win us that war. Goons staying up all night for days on end won us that war.

We could have won in Delve 1, but our will broke when the Russians lost a titan in NOL. Sov 4 was breakable, we just didn’t have the support to break it. The defection of Haargoth (of which I was a participant in all but comic book history (so bitter)) certainly made the path easier and provided Goons and our allies with the belief that we could achieve, but victory was reached through military means and the military existed with or without a disbanding. It may be that we’d never have been that aggressive without that catalyst (though I was never accused of being too timid), but that doesn’t change the reality that victory was achieved through sound military strategy enacted by some talented and dedicated FCs (and I won’t flinch from giving DBRB some credit here).

I think we’ve lost sight of that. It’s a shame. It’s not lost forever and if nothing else, hopefully this missive can serve as a catalyst for change or at least inspire a candid conversation. The obvious thing here is the question of whether penning an article like this isn’t just being a douche. By way of explanation (which I’m not sure anyone deserves), it’s because this article isn’t about you personally. It’s about a dream that has taken some weird turn into a kind of ether binge hallucination-fest and how that makes me feel. I think I’ve put enough into this to have that right and this is frankly the easiest way for me to reach the audience I want to speak to.

Anyway if you don’t like it you can eat a bag of dicks.

t(-_-t)

DJ

Tags: csm, Darius Johnson, Goonfleet, Goonswarm Federation

About the author

Darius JOHNSON

Darius JOHNSON is the former two-time CEO of Goonfleet / Goonswarm Federation, a former CCP developer (CCP Sreegs) and former CSM 1 & 2 member.

  • Rob Kaichin

    Well, you can’t doubt the authorship!

    10/10 post, would read again.

  • Matterall

    too much alpha nerd speak, couldn’t finish it.

  • 48

    there is a shameful lack of rastabee in that image 🙁

  • Fat Elvis

    That was wonderful, Thank you.

    CZ #1 Eve Media Site now me thinks

    • Darius JOHNSON

      I’m glad you losers enjoy my random high ramblings.

      I’ve got more unintelligible shit to spew to support your circlejerk if you guys are interested.

      Also wewwwww lad and fuck you.

      • TheMittani

        I’m not cleaning up this steaming mess this time DJ. Good luck.

  • BuckStrider

    I thought he was going to talk about this space fart….. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTKQrkGOhos

    But it ended up being a sad, sad story on how the Goons aren’t very goonie anymore and how awesome you were. Maybe you should put some skin back in the game and show Goons how to be goonie again.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      This is already said in the article you either didn’t read or can’t comprehend but I’m not interested in playing this game.

  • Phalanx III

    Fucking slayed.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      A bit like Black Legion

  • ROAR Exodus

    Chess is hard.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      So is my pants for the Mittani.

  • Matterall

    Sad to see CZ go from being a magazine styled EVE site to a squarely camped anti goon platform. The evidence is right here, on all these pages, story after story. It is hard to imagine all this coverage it is not driven by personal feelings.

    The strangest part is the “old goons (a-holes)” hating on the “new goons (organized),” and the crowed jumps in on the side of the people they complain about – old goons. Now there is an interesting story.

    All your heroes, who are they really. Of all people, Gevlon is on to this trend.

    • Kickkarmafleet

      Since moving to TMC and aucking firmly on the teet of Sion, your opinion on matters has severely diminished.

      • dragonshardz

        s/aucking/sucking
        s/teet/teat

      • Darius JOHNSON

        You might be right but go eat a bag of dicks anyway DIPSHIT

    • xanderphoena

      It clearly states at the top of the site that Darius’ views do not necessarily reflect CZ’s. DJ sent us the submission and as we agreed it was worth running just as we did with Schwa boy’s excellent piece from a few weeks back. Guess what, we got accused of Goon bias when we ran that one. Can’t win either way.

    • Grath

      So one Anti goon article by an actual goon makes it an anti goon platform? I think you’re reaching a bit here.

      • JEFFRAIDER

        ur begging to get ur ass hyperlinked on bud

        • Grath

          Why are you trying to ruin this for me?

          • Darius JOHNSON

            why not

          • Grath

            DJ please, jeff is my hetero life mate, he’s supposed to think of me in my time of need. He is my silent bob.

            Now if he’d just shut the fuck up for a bit.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            I love you both either way.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            In a fully gay full homo way.

      • Darius JOHNSON

        I’m just bitter that I didn’t think of RMT before it was cool.

        • JEFFRAIDER

          u sort of did by turning ur “in-game credits” (reputation) into “real money” (salary at ccp)

          so u started it

          • Darius JOHNSON

            It’s spelt “you” not “u” you degenerate bag of dicks.

            Also I got fired so its not like it worked out in the end anyway so you are wrong.

      • Matterall

        It’s more than 1. In recent months:

        Grr Goonish:
        The Imperium and the Road to Serfdom (critique of Imperium)
        Charlatans and Space Cliques (critique of kickstarter)
        Why We Left The Imperium (positives of leaving Imperium)
        Greed And Loathing In New Eden (critique of TMC money)
        Don’t Believe It (lighthearted rebuttal of TMC article on coffee)
        CZ Minutes: Grr Goons? (critique of kickstarter)

        Nuetral:
        The Sun Never Sets… (viceroy program)

        Pro Goon:
        Encounters with the Reddit Hive Mind (critique of reddit)

        Most of it is in reaction to kickstarter and Sion’s TMC posts, which are understandable. But there is an anti Imperium/TMC movement afoot, and old Goons seem to be leading the charge, enabled by CZ.

        • CFC4EVA

          maybe people are aware tmc wouldn’t give a fair say, so they post in other platforms

        • Dave Stark

          maybe if goons weren’t acting like cunts, people wouldn’t talk about them as if they’re a bunch of cunts.

          it’s like there’s some kind of link there…

        • Kamar Raimo

          There is a saying in my language which translates as “The highest trees catch the most wind”. If people in GSF/Imperium leadership constantly make waves, stir up controversy and make contentious public statements you don’t have to be surprised if there are people who respond on an equally public platform.

          As you point out in your list, those articles were all critiques or discussions of certain aspects. That does not make them “Grr Goon” which is more of a knee-jerk reaction dismissing and vilifying everything that has a fat bee stuck to it. In fact I would not call the article about the reddit hivemind “pro-Goon” at all, but rather “anti Grr Goon”.

          Unfortunately with your post you clearly demonstrate that you have fallen into the us vs. them trap that has been set by the Imperium leadership and their propaganda machine, and it’s a sad thing to see.

          • Matterall

            @ Kamar – this whole thing is like fighting over race, when the real fighting over class.

            There are 2 points I am making. 1. CZ should not be like this. Look around here, and look at reddit comments. They will loose good writers who don’t want to be affiliated with this stuff if they post stuff like this.

            2. there is a fight between Old Goons (Endie) and Imeperium (Sion), that is drawing in a lot of proxies. You can consider me a proxie, but I’m not. I write my own views on wherever the investigations take me. That’s proven through my track record at TMC and EN24.

            But like I said, this is not about Goons fighting Goons and reddit cheering… this is about toxic behavior versus non-toxic. I know what side I’m on.

          • Want to tell CZ how to run their site? Ask Xander for a job. You don’t want to? Shut the fuck up. Its their site, its their business and they are free to publish whatever they feel like it. Am tired from your constant whining.

            You have issues with the article? Write a rebuttal or get Sion to open his mouth and shit some more pseudo intellectual crap that literally has no real meaning. Otherwise just don’t bother reading it, its that simple.

            Regardless, stop telling Xander how to run his site and what to publish, you ain’t his boss, you ain’t his colleague and you sure as hell ain’t sane anymore, thats for certain.

            Step the fuck away from your keyboard and take a break, because this is literally beneath you, and I am saying that as a former colleague and friend.

          • Kamar Raimo

            … only that the toxic behaviour comes from both sides, albeit that DJ here has all the qualities of a major dioxin spill and Sion’s posts are more like low dosages of polonium in the drinking water.

            I agree with you that this is not the quality of writing we should endorse here, and for any of our own publications, we wouldn’t. However, I also know that this would not have been published at any of the other two sites. Certainly not at TMC, but also not at EN24. You have worked there long enough.

            Maybe we risked becoming a proxy in some Goon trolling competition, but that is too soon to say right here and now. What we definitely are, however, is a group of publishers who are not afraid to risk controversy and who endorse a plurality of views. For all the verbal degeneracy that this piece has, it is a view that obviously exists at least in the mind of its proponent, and it is significant, because the subtext is something that many people have said many times, but none so far with this vehemence and from that particular position.

          • Matterall

            My first comments was as a reader, fan of the site, but that is not realistic anymore.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            You are so new to what you’re doing at TMC that I don’t even know who you are and I’ve only been away from there for 2 months or so. I helped build that site, helped nurture it into a business and contributed years of my time to it. I have the equivalent of dick and fuck all to show for it including any thanks while people are signing major deals and people like Sion are pulling salaries.

            You don’t know me. You don’t know a thing about me. I didn’t go to TMC to publish this because your articles are shit and the site is run by fucking idiot pubbies such as yourself.

            Sion is a piece of shit who has been going around threatening goons with IRL dox-type things and I’m what? The third person to have mentioned this? That’s what’s public. If he wants to rebut that he’s welcome to but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want the details out there. My advice to him is to shut the fuck up and disappear so both the alliance and the business can move on. Until that happens I’m not going anywhere. If Alex thinks throwing himself on his sword for Sion’s actions is of value then I’ll wish it wasn’t the case but he’s got to go too.

            Instead of coming here like a pitiful little unaccomplished and unhinged shit advising people on what to do here’s some real advice from someone who has actual experience.

            Choke to death on a bag of fucking dicks because you are a talentless garbage person.

            Cry yourself to sleep on that one you cock mongrel.

          • Hendrick Tallardar

            Do you wanna make a site called FartsInSpace.com about dumb things we find funny?

          • Darius JOHNSON

            In fairness either of those sites would have carried it. I chose where it went. This guy doesn’t have the editorial control he claims he does.

          • Hendrick Tallardar

            “this is about toxic behavior versus non-toxic. I know what side I’m on.”

            What is toxic about Darius JOHNSON sharing his opinion in a blog post about how he views things? idgi.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            We have a saying in my language, kill yourself

          • Jasek Steiner

            Endie vs. Sion Civil War? Hold on while I get the popcorn.

        • JEFFRAIDER

          jesus christ if fucking sion would stop doing cringey shit maybe there wouldn’t be 5 articles about it

        • Grath

          so in your anti goon bit you have 3 articles about what was essentially current events in eve with the kickstarter and TMC money shit. Then you have a joke article about coffee which you state is a light hearted rebuttle, as in, a joke, and you still list it under anti goon, so that in total leaves 2 articles, one about the benefits of leaving the imperium, and one thats an overall critique.

          So one more than either neutral or pro goon articles.

          LIsten you pompous arrogant pile of dog shit. We get it, you’re on salary for TMC, hell, I used to write for them and I consder Alex a friend, but what you’re doing right here is in effect the most bitch made cuck’d bullshit I’ve ever seen put in print.

          You had a friend advise you to step away from the keyboard for a few days on skype recently. You should take his advice, because your recent fevered defense of the Imperium shit and anything related to it smacks of some poor cocksucker who’s been brainwashed by a cult.

          You look like an absolute fucking joke in this comment section with your replies, and in general the Imperium would be better defended by the sound of 2 cats bareclawed – fucking on a chalkboard.

          • Matterall

            Well when CZ puts out a self conscious article about being “Grr Goons,” they are worried about it too. It’s not just me pointing it out. This Darius article came out of nowhere and so if they are worried about being Grr goons, why this?

            I’m not pompous, I’m just older. I can’t use all the slang people use to pass as cool in forums.

          • Grath

            So if DJ brought you this article on TMC you wouldn’t have put it out?

            And you are a self righteous prick actually. How fucking dare you come to another site while working for TMC and question their content?

            What the fuck do you think gives you that right? What gigantic golden fucking halo do you wear that makes you so fucking perfect that you get to, as an employee of a completely and openly biased site, question anything these dudes do?

            They allow people to voice their opinion, and it would seem that theres a growing number of people who are against what the Imperium is doing in EVE.

            Your response to that is some ninny shit in the comments section of an organization who dares to give a greater voice tot those complaints.

            Honestly, you look like a fucking prick bro, you should probably shut the fuck up, one old guy to another.

          • Jasek Steiner

            Can we get this translated to soundcloud? Seriously, another Grath rage clip would be gold. There should be episodes.

    • Hang on. This is just a guy with an opinion. An informed opinion because he’s been there and done that. And yes there is a strong controversial element to it, but it is clearly relevant to more than one current topic of discussion in Eve. But you think it shouldn’t be run because it is anti goon? How very post-modern.

      • AFK

        There’s literally nothing controversial here at all. In fact, apart form the chess stuff, there isn’t even anything new or original. You can find any of it practically verbatim on any number of posts or blogs over the last 3 months.

        The only difference is that it’s written by some name from donkey’s years ago giving everyone ample chance to lick arse and post how much they agree which doing fuck all in the actual client as usual.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          Get fucked you piece of shit it took me like 5 fucking hours to spill this dribble onto a fucking word pad and send it.

          No I didn’t even proof read it, fuck. I’m high as fuck give me a break

    • Darius JOHNSON

      I expected some dumb shit here but boy howdy do you internet idiots somehow keep raising the bar

      • Endie

        Matterall is the editor of the Mittani dot com

        • Darius JOHNSON

          Wow this shit is basically Bormannception

    • Niden

      Matt, calling CZ an “anti goon platform” is ridiculous. If we were, would we post articles written by Goons? Even this article was written by an original Goon. Frankly, you were the last person I expected the anticipated “CZ is grr goons central” spiel from.

      • Matterall

        I’ll just answer you and Xander here at the top. I love you guys but you have to protect your site from drifting too far in any direction. This article is worthy of reddit or kugu, not of CZ as it was and should be. I probably should have written you in private, and I’m sorry for that.

        I’m not protecting Sion, he can protect himself. I’m here to tell you not to feed the self righteous blasters, no matter how fun they are, or how many hits they bring, because over time they will have a cost.

        TMC is an Imperium outfit (goons own it), so when Sion writes and gets everyone mad, that’s because he’s carving out territory. Mittens talks about his people.. same thing. CZ – if it is not a PL news site should stay above the politics. At least directly.

        • xanderphoena

          The problem is, we need to post ‘something’. If everyone and anyone remotely GSF related automatically sends all their content TMC’s way, the chances are there’s going to be a rather big hole in opinions coverage on the other sites. It’s the nature of the beast.

          As always, we work hard to cover major events in a detailed way from as many angles as possible. If you or any of your GSF members of staff at TMC would like to write a rebuttal for CZ, I’d pay handsomely to publish it here.

        • Bobmon
          • FunkyBacon

            I literally just laughed chips out of my nose. Thanks asshole.

          • Bobmon

            🙂

          • Matterall

            llol, literally laughed out loud, bobmon. btw I think you were treated unfairly by Cap Stable roundtable.

          • Bobmon

            🙂

        • Darius JOHNSON

          You’re a no account dipshit and literally nobody gives a flying fuck what you think. HOPE THIS HELPS DOUCHEBAG.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            and yes I did approach them. It’s not like anyone’s ever been able to fucking force me to write anything. God damn do a google search before you whip your dick out next time you fucking moron.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            and yes they paid me in Twinkies.

            I tried to get real world money but they said no I’m too much of a loser to actually pay but they felt sorry for me.

            I just wish I was as cool as Sion.

          • Inevitability

            I just snorted!

        • Hendrick Tallardar

          “if it is not a PL news site should stay above the politics. At least directly.”

          LMAO, CZ the site owned by a guy not in PL with the EIC being a FW scrub = a PL site, and if not it shouldn’t cover any aspect of EVE’s politics. My sides…they hurt so bad…

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Wait this site isn’t owned by PL?

            I submitted this because I thought I’d get into the cool club. Shit.

            Help me Hendrick what do I do now?

          • Hendrick Tallardar

            Play League of Legends with me.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Yeah screw Eve I guess I’m so bad at it since I lost my job and cant spawn myself stuff anymore.

          • Niden

            Total FW scrub, please teach me how to EVE, how to undock?

          • Hendrick Tallardar

            I would but someone didn’t want to keep doing EVE101.com with me after months of being asked to help support it =(

          • Kamar Raimo

            As the assistant to the editor in chief I can only say: Watch who you call a scrub, nullsec F1 monkey 😛

        • JEFFRAIDER

          ex-goon ceo writes something

          this is now a PL news site

          L M A O @ U

          • Darius JOHNSON

            In fairness I was in PL for a while because Sesfan kicked me out. Then I came back and they made me the boss.

        • GrouchyOldGamer

          I’ll just leave this here to highlight the hypocrisy of your position: https://www.themittani.com/news/csm-straight-dope/page/0/5

          • Matterall

            I don’t see the hypocrisy. Maybe you could elaborate.

          • GrouchyOldGamer

            Maybe that’s the problem?

          • Matterall

            I see the point you want to make, but it doesn’t undermine my position. If anything it goes to motive on why the article was posted in the first place… personal feelings. That makes my point.

            Maybe you don’t know what you are talking about. Maybe. I don’t know.

          • GrouchyOldGamer

            You position is disingenuous at best.

            DJ is on TMC streams for exactly the same reason he’s been published here; he’s terribly entertaining.

            If it is fine for TMC to post articles attacking someone’s character, bemoaning others doing has a whiff of hypocrisy.

            But, it is good to know that if Garth wrote an angry article about PL you’d not publish it.

          • Matterall

            No I would not publish anything this mean spirited, but I would welcome Grath and DJ to write something, since they both have vast experience. No not like this, not at all, from anyone.

          • GrouchyOldGamer

            The fact you don’t appear to be aware that mean spirited attacks come from some in TMC is naive.

            Shit talking is a full contact sport.

        • Niden

          I see your point Matt, I just don’t agree. There are a couple of factors here I want you to consider. First of all, we’ve had a REALLY hard time getting goon writers, something Xander and I have been working on for years, and I think you know quite well _why_ it’s been so uphill.

          Secondly, a lot of people have negative things to say about The Imperium, so there’s a lot more of that content available. What that is a reflection of I will leave to each and every person to figure out for themselves.

          Also, consider this: where can someone that wants to criticize goons or the Imperium go? To the official Imperium site? Nope. Their options are pretty much down to CZ, EN24, reddit or personal blog, and CZ is the most attractive option among those for some people.

          Also, enough with the “PL news site”, I am not PL, Xander is not PL and we have never attempted in any way to steer content in favor of PL.

          • Matterall

            man, I have a problem getting goon writers! haha. Danikov came over, and he’s still with us too. That’s the new policy. I allow criticism of Imperium from TMC’s pages. I do it myself. Many times now.

            And Ok, about the PL site. I thought Xander was still in PL and had a bunch of friends there. Beside the point, really. I apology for saying that.

            Again, I’m not a goon defender. I don’t like a lot of goon behavior, especially of the past. Thing is, THIS is goon behavior. Look around.

          • The G Lob

            I get that you must have a low opinion of your worth to work for pennies on TMC, but at least agree with yourself. Just 4 hours ago you said you wouldn’t run this article on TMC.

            The fact you wouldn’t run this well-written (if scathing) piece “says a lot” as you keep saying.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            He’s not really interested. He’s upset that someone known to have integrity is calling out his space boss and he thinks he’s going to shame you somehow and change that.

            Whatever reputation I have it’s not as a fucking liar and I’m not pretending to be a good or even particularly nice person.

          • Jarhead

            when 90% of the game thinks goons are fucking cunts of course 90% of the content is going to say goons are fucking cunts.

        • Endie

          This lecturing is a bit ironic when Mittens has explicitly and publicly said that TMC, the site you work for, is going to cast aside neutrality (“too dry”) and adopt an explicitly pro-imperium stance (he talked about comparisons with Fox News, here). YES BUT THAT IS FOR ME NOT FOR YOU CZ.

          • Matterall

            TMC, as you know, is not like CZ, it has a constituency that funds it. It could properly be a propaganda site if it wanted to, but it is not. When Mittens referred to Fox News (nice try) he was saying that was NOT what TMC would become while it was leaving teh CCN model behind. Fox News was the other extreme to be avoided.

            TMC should, and hopefully will, become a voice of Imperium which has a variety of views, and avoids self-reinforcing news.

            CZ, on the other hand, has a wider EVE audience to consider. If you read all that I’ve written in that context, it will make sense.

            The comments all around this section must make Niden and Xander cringe. They are better than this.

          • Endie

            Look at that concern trolling. “GUYS GUYS THERE IS A MOTE IN YOUR EYE…”

          • Knobber

            m8, that’s horseshit and you know it. You make a whole bunch of pro-CFC assumptions in everything you write. Some of them look like they’ve been given to you by Sion and published in your name.

            Remember when you said Bat was severely diminished? You made an arse of your reporting standards right then and there.

            Might as well call you Julius Streicher.

          • Matterall

            Loosing half your guys and some key members seems to be diminished. http://evemaps.dotlan.net/corp/Bat_Country Anyone can see that.

          • GrouchyOldGamer

            Have you seen their killboard?

          • Knobber

            Do you have issues reading? Half the characters in Bat were owned by Warr Akini and Gaara sniper. You know, that guy who got twenty carriers killed off the other week. Then there’s Warr, the one man ganking band who doesn’t really play much any more. If you bothered to inject half of the journalistic integrity you claim to have, you’d be looking at this more thoroughly.

            And Gevlon? He’s an idiot. The CFC wasn’t at war for most of 2015, so anyone with a semblance of intelligence and objectivity will be able to comprehend why kill numbers are lower than previous years. Yet Gevlon has an anti CFC agenda, which you of all people should realise. Didn’t Sion point this out during your indoctrination ceremony?

            Anyone can spin up an narrative, to fit an agenda by looking at a few stats and cherry picking – or in your case misinterpreting. However all it takes is a few minutes and you’ll start to ask questions: i.e why where a vast number of characters who left Bat called “Alex Gianturco” or similar and why do they all have kills at the same time in high sec? Oh, I wonder. Because they’re all fucking Warr’s characters. Why do a vast number of characters who left Bat have either no kill history or purely highsec ganking kills? Because they’re fucking gaaras.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Hey look its Endie trying to be relevant again.

            Just like CZ being pro-PL TMC is pro-Imps. Is it really that hard to understand? Dipshit.

          • Kamar Raimo

            Writes a fiery sermon against Imperium bullshit.

            Restates Imperium bullshit about CZ being pro PL.

            GG man, you truly are an old-school Goon.

          • Armyofme

            Wish ppl would stop calling it imperium and use their proper CFC name (even tho thats bad for their money making)

    • Hendrick Tallardar

      Hahahaha, get thicker skin dude.

      • Darius JOHNSON

        someone I don’t know is attacking my boss to the internet

    • oh come on now Matteral, you couldn’t have been so easily seduced by the douche side of the force. Or could you?

      • Darius JOHNSON

        I just want to be relevant again in spaceships even if it means sucking up to Reddit aids because people pick on me in the real world and I have no friends apart from that whore I pay

    • Seraph IX Basarab

      ._. matterall pls

    • Zappity

      Would you have published that article on TMC?

      • Matterall

        Good question. I would let Darius speak through TMC, if it were more respectful. Comparing Sion to Hitler’s secretary would get cur, as would the majority of what he wrote. It’s really just toxic, like goons used to be. That’s why I never liked them.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          I would have posted on TMZ but I’m jealous of your RMT empire and decided to help out CZs RMT empire instead.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          The fact that you think you would have an option might be the most naive post on this comment section. You are clownshoes at best.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Also completely expendable so you might want to not rock the boat.

    • GrouchyOldGamer

      Why do you think DJ is ‘anti-goon’?

    • AFK

      This is fucking spot on. If these anti-goon concern trolling bandwagons were around back then they’d fucking hate this guy worse than the Mittani.

      What’s happening here is basically an EVE version Bill Cosby’s Pound Cake speech. (whites love it whenever a rich privileged black shits over his fellow disadvantaged blacks, even despite they wouldn’t give them the time of day otherwise.)

      Well some old goon from years ago and says exactly what they love hearing and hey, suddenly they love him lmao.

      • Kamar Raimo

        Good point.

  • baby jesus

    beautiful

    • Darius JOHNSON

      So was your mom last night

  • okoolo

    Artilce description in two words: Dazed and Confused.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      Honestly I was high on crack when I wrote this.

      Still coming down now.

    • Justagrunt

      Oh Zeppelin quote +1 High and listening to LZ… always going to be a car crash but helluva fun post to read.

  • Lykouleon

    Darius HAMBURGLAR, CEO of my heart.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      Yum. I wish I could afford a hamburger I’m so poor. Cant even afford an eve subscription anymore and someone stole my isk.

  • AFK

    Holy shit, does it ever end. They’ve started crawling out the woodwork for it now.

  • Kazanir

    Hey Darius.

    Take any alliances to die in Cloud Ring lately?

    • Darius JOHNSON

      you fuckin die I said

      • IC Wiener

        No, I was finishing her sentence!

    • Endie

      Wow is that the line?

      Kartoon sent us out to die.

      Cloud Ring/Syndicate was the Aryth plan. That was its name, and no it’s not a coincidence that “wow there’s a guy in current leadership with that name!”

      Darius took us to Deklein.

      • Kazanir

        I am sad that DJ deleted his original reply of “you fuckin die I said” which was far more entertaining. EDIT: It’s apparently not deleted, Disqus is just stupid! Yay.

        I did think accusing DJ of something that was Phreeze’s idea was a pretty good choice in troll but snagging you also is extra-rewarding.

        So there is no confusion, here are some true historical facts:

        – DJ led the alliance to Syndicate to die, a reality in which there were 30 people on at any given time and no one could undock.
        – Phreeze and others (including Aryth) tried to invade Cloud Ring until it was clear that Dominion supercaps made them unable to get anywhere.
        – DJ had as much to do with Deklein as I have to do with the Scottish cause of independence.
        – His main activities after arriving there included exacerbating the EO schism with his badposting and getting told by the NC that he couldn’t shoot a Stella Polaris tower. Oh and kicking Battlestars I guess. One for three ain’t bad.

        • Atrum Veneficus

          There were some great times had in Syndicate. Yes it was/is a shithole, but a few things that kept me logging in included:
          – Mister Vee started bomberwaffe as a distinct entity. Some of the bombing runs on Evoke battleships are still some of the biggest runs in Eve.
          – Don’t remember the name of the dude, but the ex-PL Cry Havoc kugu-shitposters Armor Rag we killed in syndicate was my first Titan KM.
          – Shadoo guest FC’d for us on multiple occasions and again led us to piles of Cry Havoc capital kills on multiple occasions.
          – Phreeze fleets were still fun times as he hadn’t yet gotten mad with power and/or bitter vet.

          • Endie

            That isn’t the approved version, citizen. JBev coming back and doing fleets was fun, too. In addition, what the revisionism ignores is that we were in Syndicate because the preceding directorate had lost us our home and we had nowhere else to go.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Reality has never had firm grounding in retardistan

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Going back to Syndicate was a place for us to recover that goons had been clamoring to spend time in for a while. We had nothing. At all. I don’t expect people to understand what that means but I’m not a big fan of people misrepresenting what happened. There’s been a fucking nuff of that and if I have to spend my time shredding the people responsible because their egos required them to have been far more relevant than they were then I’m happy to.

        • Endie

          You’re wrong on a bunch of things but since one allows me to boast, I’ll unsurprisingly focus on that one:

          It was me that arranged the Deklein move: I begged for DKUK for us and nurturing the relationship with Sil got us the rest relatively quickly. Darius gave me the OK to go ahead and do the DKUK thing. This was before EJB joined, of course, so you’ll probably have to either take my word for it or go with the official version which I assume, by now, involves me spitting on a French flag, saying “All Froggies must hang” and only being prevented from single-handedly stopping Mittens and Sion from arranging us getting Deklein by main force.

          I am aware that as an unperson praising an unperson it is impossible for this to be true but truth can, famously, be inconvenient.

          Edit: one of the other things you got wrong was where you imagined Darius deleting his response. Which he didn’t.

          • Kazanir

            I also approve of the cause of Scottish independence so my analogy remains correct. I’m not sure what your point is; I never denied that you were responsible for TCF taking in the alliance that had dwindled to 30-man Syndicate fleets under Darius’ “leadership”. I’m not wrong on any of the other things, nor am I responsible for Disqus being shitty.

          • Endie

            Touche. I think. I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            You’re wrong about all of it and you admitted you flat out lied in your first comment. How you’re supposed to believe you have any relevance after that (or in the first place) is beyond me. We get it. You are one of mittani’s disgusting bootlicking bottom bitches.

            You don’t need to like me or even think I did a good job but you’re a fucking moron if you think blatantly lying about what is documented record to the PEOPLE WHO DID IT is going to net you anything interesting.

          • Kazanir

            I don’t lie because I don’t see the point. People can believe me or not; it’s their choice.

            You’re welcome to explain what else you think I lied about. I like you fine and we got on well in San Diego, but every single person who was there knows that leading Goonswarm in early 2010 was far from your finest hour. Kick against the pricks, if you like. (Another Scottish independence analogy looms…)

          • Darius JOHNSON

            I’ve been pretty open about the fact and was internally as well that we were pretty fucked and that I was just there to keep the alliance alive. I don’t consider it the mark of shame you seem to but unlike you I know what it takes to run an alliance so maybe that’s the difference.

            I also tend to get along with most people who aren’t raging sacks of shit or Hitler.

        • Hendrick Tallardar

          “I am sad that DJ deleted his original reply of “you fuckin die I said” ”

          That wasn’t Darius’ actual account, it was someone posing as him. You can tell that because you couldn’t click the username to see their Disqus post history as opposed to the actual Darius’ account which you can.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            It’s a fucking Pixies quote you idiots

          • Hendrick Tallardar

            I’m sorry, I don’t speak old person.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Haha dang

      • Atrum Veneficus

        Let’s be fair, Cloud Ring was the “Phreeze was bored and launched an invasion” while DJ took a weekend for RL stuff.

        I remember DJ coming back and being hella pissed but by that point we’d accidentally half the region.

  • Druik Arbosa

    I started reading this thinking this was satire, then i started reading the comments (possibly a big mistake which I accept) .
    There is a lot of anger going on that i don’t normally read on CZ.
    I’m not saying that I’m saddened, conflict does make good reading, I’m just surprised, is this a shift in content for CZ?
    I’ll keep on reading regardless.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      CZ are just jumping on the Reddit grr goons bandwagon.

      They paid me in twinkies to write some stuff to stir the pot and grr Sion.

  • “…and there was already a round table for long winded pseudo intelligent douchebags.” You sir, win the Internet. Bravo.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      As an ex-pseudo intelligent douchebag I would know.

  • Dan

    The incoherence and jargon-laden jibberish enriched by background stories and analogies that for lack of context at least 90 percent of the EVE population will not understand give this whole post an “old, funny smelling guy in a retirement home sitting in his raggedy sofa chair muttering to himself ” feel. If you want to be heard and understood, write clearly.

    • SMH at idiots

      Shit-ass pubbies, like yourself, don’t “get” it. But you don’t matter. Carry on.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      I stopped reading your pointless comment after the word The.

      I might be old and funny smelling but that doesn’t mean I cant be internet spaceships relevant again asshole.

      • Dan

        The fact that you clearly did read my comment despite a claim to the contrary underscores my point of you being incoherent.

        I don’t mind you being relevant. I mind you writing incoherently unless you had i) a major stroke or ii) don’t mind staying irrelevant.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          You replied to a troll and I don’t give a shit what you want

    • Tin Chef

      thank god, I’m not the dumbest fuck playing this horrible game

  • CommunistAnimeTroon

    I’d say you should come back to EVE but you’re way too likable to wish that on you

    • Darius JOHNSON

      Erotica 1 said I had to write this and post it on CZ after I sung a song for them on teamspeak about how much I like sucking dicks.

      I’m almost in with the cool kids I can feel it.

  • Darius JOHNSON

    Hey look everyone I’m still relevant!

  • Aryndel Vyst

    Good read. I agree with you on everything you’ve said here especially RE: Goon Purity. I do disagree with you RE: Sion Kumitomo but opinions are opinions yo.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      I’m glad you like my story Vyst.

      It’s pretty god damn telling that I can be high, write some stuff and you’d agree with it all though. Dipshit.

      • Aryndel Vyst

        I just wanted to give you my honest assessment. Have a nice evening. God bless.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          Sion Kumitomo is a bag of dicks though.

          I don’t really know the guy but I read it on Reddit so it must be true.

          • Tin Chef

            THE GOONFATHER CONFIRMS ALL REDDIT POASTS ARE TRUTH GRR GOONS CONFIRMED

  • do eet

    Give BoB back to evol, rkk!

  • VoiceOfTheImperium

    I asked God to send EVE a fat female version of Rosie O’Donnell to bitch about stupid shit. I never thought he would answer, and so quickly.

    Can you please tell me more about how you are a real goon and everyone else that came after isn’t or just a mindless retard.

    Hey you think you can do a fanfest presentation about how the opinion of a 40 year old floppy titted virgin matters?

    • Darius JOHNSON

      My opinion is completely relevant because I was once CEO of Goons back before they got control and ultimate power in the Eve universe and that makes me old school and correct.

      Also eat a bag of dicks you pubby dipshit.

      • VoiceOfTheImperium

        Vanilla Ice is now old school too. So sure regdate’s for everyone!

        No you eat a dick, not a bag of dicks, your cardiologist says you need to cut back on the sweets.

        Seriously take care of yourself, you were probably sweating just reading this.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          Whatever at least I was a CCP developer even if I resemble Rosie O’Donnell.

          What are you? Some neckbeard fuck who posts on some shit website. Get lost.

          • VoiceOfTheImperium

            I’m the neckbeard you decided to argue with on some shit website. Take my hand, don’t be scared there are twinkies at the other side of this rainbow.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Only if those twinkies are stuffed with your moms vaginal discharge.

            Who am I kidding? At this point I’d settle for anyone paying attention to me on the internet again.

          • VoiceOfTheImperium

            Is there any other kind of twinkie?

          • Darius JOHNSON

            They are delicious right? She makes the best ones.

          • VoiceOfTheImperium

            Delicious or not you’ll still eat them.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Things have been tough since I got fired from CCP like 5 years ago, nobody will give me job or anything.

            So if you are serious please send me some of your mom’s twinkies because I am really hungry over here and the ones CZ paid me I already ate.

          • VoiceOfTheImperium

            You do smoke a lot of weed, I believe you when you say you ate out all of CZ.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Are you calling me fat motherfucker?

            Go eat a bag of dicks because that’s the only thing I can come up with right now fuck.

            Also fuck Sion cause reasons.

          • VoiceOfTheImperium

            I mean Elvis was fat so it can’t be that bad. Everyone loves fat Elvis

          • Johnathan Severasse

            Fucking beautiful exchange here.

          • VoiceOfTheImperium

            It was till you showed up. Darius’s trolling is some sweet vintage. You are just the Grapa of posting.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            He heard there was free bags of dicks to eat so had to get his share too.

          • VoiceOfTheImperium

            I’m just amazed Johnathan could get his out of the bag long enough to comment.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      How about the opinion of a 64 year old in Annapolis?

      • Darius JOHNSON

        Crickets? Happy to give you a call.

        • Scooter McCabe

          I can see it now EX-CCP developer engages in internet stalking. His friends, family, co-workers are embarrassed as he has to explain why he decided to play tough guy internet detective.

          You can hit me up jabber. Its Scooter McCabe.

  • Johnathan Severasse

    Paper pushers make my dick soft

    • Johnathan Severasse

      If I wanted a soft dick I would go attend a board meeting about it

  • schwaboy

    I’m going to save most of my comments, but I wanted to share at least this 1 thought.

    I don’t think we should pretend that old-school GSF culture was some beacon of sweet krad awesomeness. When I first joined goonwaffe in summer of 2011, “nigfleet” “spicfleet” and “chinkfleet” were very much a thing. Casual racism was totally chill and acceptable. And my understanding is that it was very much a part of GSF culture before that. I’d really rather not go back to that, thank you very much.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      Is this a real post? (I was originally going to be mad but I was in Iceland by 2010 so this is someone else being dumb)

      • schwaboy

        I’m not making it up. That was a real thing that was happening in mid-2011. I can’t speak about what it was like before that.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          ok so a year after I left and not the topic. Cool.

          • schwaboy

            From what I understand it was around even before you.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            What you understand is irrelevant. Speak to what you know instead of wasting everyone’s time with your SJW conjecture.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Yes goons sometimes said racist or inappropriate things. However the forum which you should still probably be able to read will clearly show people being banned on the regular for “ironic” racism. This shitshow you’re referring to was under mittens. It wasn’t tolerated under me and it was mostly the pubbies trying too hard causing the problems.

            The worst thing we ever did was call ev0ke nazis

          • Darius JOHNSON

            It’s also not really that I cared other than it just wasn’t funny. Our mods however did and enforced that rule.

          • Jasek Steiner

            They still are.

          • schwaboy

            Well, I know you often speak without thinking and then have to apologize for either being wrong, or being excessively hostile.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Sure and as I said later on I’m not trying to say there weren’t racist jokes or people saying the n word or whatever. I’m saying that we didn’t have fleet names that were over the top racist. If we did it wouldn’t have been GF proper and if that did happen I am not aware of it.

            Racism was also banned from the forums for a long time as I said. It was not a part of our culture like no racists allowed. We probably had a few felons and I have heard quite a few people were talking about a video of an underage girl on SA today. Am I supposed to apologize for them too?

          • schwaboy

            I’m not holding you responsible for anybody else’s actions. I merely said that GSF culture, before The Mittani’s “cultural revolution” thread, is probably not something we should idolize and aspire to bring back. And I stand by that.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            May want to take a look at your SA thread before you start harping about the wonders of the cultural revolution. Having mods have to step in on people talking about the child porn video they’ve been watching doesn’t strike me as particularly culturally acceptable but hey, not my cultural revolution.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            What you understand is irrelevant. Speak to what you know instead of wasting everyone’s time with your SJW conjecture.

        • JEFFRAIDER

          Who was Goonswarm CEO in 2011?

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Who cares?

            I was too busy feeling smug about the mess I left them in haha.

          • JEFFRAIDER

            haha sick dj u fucked em UP

          • Darius JOHNSON

            Yeah, now I’m making a comeback to finish the job!

            Reddit’s got my back, right?

          • ShitonRacism

            Shit on kugu by comparison was the very definition of polite society

        • Seraph IX Basarab

          2011 was under Mitten’s watch. wew lad glorious leader how could you….

          Schwa why dont you ask him about it next time you two are sharing eskimo kisses.

          • Matterall

            I think there was a cultural cleanup right before Fountan War – which was one of the rifts that Goons and TEST had since TEST didnt want to clean up. Mittani pushed that through.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      I mean… I wouldn’t have thrown anyone out of the alliance for saying something you might feel was racist but we were never so low rent as to have fleet names like that even if only because it’s not fucking funny.

    • CFC4EVA

      you complain about casual rasism, yet stand by while it’s now run by a massive twat who literally told someone to kill themselves

      • Darius JOHNSON

        To be fair that isn’t racist that’s just funny.

        • GrouchyOldGamer

          I actually blame you for that. You and your funny alliance panel that Mitten’s tried so hard to top.

          Set the bar lower you show off.

      • AFK

        Your lovable bunch of roguish true goons made a point of shitting over a guy who died in a motorbike accident. Yea, just a bunch of cheeky scamps who I’m sure that the concern trolls of reddit would just LOVE. Never mind, at least the universe was not without a sense of irony as it turned out.

        • Darius JOHNSON

          I don’t give a shit who dies or how they died and neither do you so just stop. Two guys made fun of a guy and dumbfucks like you are literally the only people concern trolling on the subject.

          • Kamar Raimo

            “I don’t give a shit who dies or how they died”

            Not even Vile Rat?

          • Darius JOHNSON

            I’ll give you the point for being a death pedant. Clearly I care about people who I care about dying. I’m just not a big enough twat to pretend what happens to people I’ll never ever see or even be in the same geographic region as is a big deal to me.

            None of these pieces of shit ever cared about smoske (this dipshit didn’t even know his name). They used it as really amateurish propaganda posturing to achieve whatever it is you think you’re achieving when you are an idiot.

            Then we spent a couple of years warring and in the end I personally prosecuted the war that ended them and erased their name, also personally. Unlike most of the comments here that’s not braggadacio, that’s just what happened.

          • Kamar Raimo

            Ok.

            I wonder though. Were you personally involved in all of this?

          • Darius JOHNSON

            In all of what? For the time I ran Goonswarm I basically didn’t sleep. If you’re asking if I was involved in beep beep I’m a truck, no. Everyone knows that was Remedial and Firstname Lastname.

          • Kamar Raimo

            Haha, nevermind. Yeah I knew about Remedial and FL … the guy who introduced me to EVE was a corpmate of Smoske

          • Herr Trump

            Actually, it was Tetsujin. :eng101:

          • Darius JOHNSON

            No it wasn’t. Tetsujin had the animated gif DEPICTING what Rem and FNLN did/said that BoB then used as a reason to invade. The actual act was exactly as I described.

          • Darius JOHNSON

            If anything I’ve downplayed my involvement or been unable to defend myself because I was under NDA.

  • Freelancer117

    This DJ clearly has put another record on o7

    I still remember that outfit from watching fanfest ’09, after a few short months entering the game. Darius Johnson statement showed me to be vigilant 23/7.

    Hate and camaraderie is the core, plus perhaps marrying your sister like DJ.

    Regard, a Freelancer

    ps: as a voyeur watching a(ny) goon interaction,
    I can smell the cheese odor and I know it ain’t cheese.

  • McDerp

    I might actually suck your dick if you write some more DJ, this was great.

  • Kamar Raimo

    This is probably the most vile, disjointed, rambling, incoherent, immature and all-around terrible piece of “writing” ever published on this site.

    Still pretty interesting that it exists and it’s pretty likely that nobody else would publish it. Now if Sion Kumitomo wouldn’t have his own publishing platform, I would love to publish his response to this.

    One thing I know for sure, whatever Sion would write in response to this would be much superiour in writing and sophistication, but at the same time much less honest.

    • Dersen Lowery

      Seriously?

      This is better than anything Sion has ever written. Sion has only ever filled toilets to the brim with his prolix logorrhea and then balanced them on his tentative command of the English language. He’s a terrible writer. That’s partly because he’s too calculating by half, and partly because showing him a copy of Strunk & White would cause him to melt into a noisome puddle.

      10/10, would read again.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      If you’re going to troll learn to be either subtle or interesting. You can’t be neither and lean back after that awful post.

  • Was this written by a 12 year old boy? It reads as if I can hear his fingers snapping in the air after every “HEADING 1” style change.

    • Kamar Raimo

      It is written by an old-school Goon. Same difference.

  • DickPic

    This dipshit article was 13th in my google search for some pretty fucked up porn.

    • Jarhead

      stop googling “has been fucks goons”

  • The Churchill quote is very appropriate. This article is a tragedy is the opportunity that was lost.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      Can you maybe rewrite that in English so it makes some sense? I’m sure it was valuable constructive criticism and not a fucking shitpost but since it’s incomprehensible I’m gonna have to ask you to clarify.

  • DNSBLACK

    I am having OLD CAOD flash backs. This is by far the best article and discussion about eve in 7 years. Please don’t stop DJ and thanks for making my day. Please tell me to eat a bag of dicks so I can ask for another!

    • Themittami

      Yo homie, if you get more that you can eat, hook a brother up with some of those tasty dicks

      • DNSBLACK

        last time I shared something with you, bad things happened. So lets keep our extra dicks to our selves and spare the eve community and CZ.

  • JZ909

    I got all the way through the article, but I still barely understand what is being said. Something about how the Goons used to be assholes, and dedicated to it, and used to apparently speak some bastardized form of English and how that should happen again.

    Then I think: Who the hell cares? That obnoxious, griefing Goon style of gameplay transferred to CODE (and some even less reputable corps) years ago. If it was so great, and people wanted that, CODE would own a third of nullsec, not the new Goons.

    • Darius JOHNSON

      You could have just said “I have nothing to contribute and don’t know what I’m talking about but here’s some words” then pasted some letters. Same quality of content.

      • JZ909

        Mostly I was frustrated with the lack of focus in the article. You bring up a number of points that individually could be interesting for the community to read. However, they are all barely addressed and put together in a such a jumble of paragraphs that it’s very difficult to follow what this article is about. Is it about nazis, the CSM or Elise Randolph playing chess? I’m really not sure, and it doesn’t explain enough about any of those topics to warrant further discussion without an entirely separate article.

        So basicly, to me, this is just vomitting out frustration and saying how it was better in the old days then calling it news. I’m disappointed in CZ for running the article.

        • Jasek Steiner

          This literally reads how Darius talks. Dunno if you’ve seen his CSM video, which, btw, he posted a pic of. But seriously, he types how he speaks, so if you read it as a person speaking, not a person writing a story, its actually pretty funny and you start to sense the mood, which is somewhere between slouched in a chair with a fifth of jack and laughing at people over a glass of scotch. both equally Darius Johnson in flavor really. I thoroughly enjoyed the article, as much as I enjoyed his speech at fanfest.

  • Dalael

    Please make a post in which you explain what is a ~true-goon~ so that we may know why we’re all posers.

  • Joe

    This article makes it sound as though only Sion wants to make money off of mittani.com. What about mittani?

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