Renting space has a long tradition in nullsec. Over the years, some of the greatest powers provided homes for people who would otherwise never get a chance to establish themselves in the depths of EVE’s outer regions. Recently, bittervets like PL and NC. decided they can’t be bothered with providing that valuable service for many players anymore. Others, like Legion of xXDeathXx stepped up and filled some of that vacuum, but one group stands out with one of the best versions of a renting program so far: The Imperium.
Goonswarm have always been great innovators in the field of organisational structure, so it came as no surprise when they again proved that old ways of playing the game do not have to die just because the rules of sovereignty change. Inspired by this example, we at Villore Accords got together and wondered how we could follow in the footsteps of those nullsec paragons. There was scepticism at first. After all, most GalMil pilots have never heard of Goonswarm or The Mittani and care only about killboards, new ways to kill stabbed farmers and drunken gate camps with specialised Thrasher fits.
Our lead diplomat and CZ editor Niden broke through that wall of ignorance.
As an admirer of the great Sion Kumitomo, he had learned how to influence the masses, and with my support he was able to sell our idea to the lowsec thugs flying under the eagle banner. I have always been an advocate of the nullsec lifestyle—it represents the pinnacle of EVE gameplay—so together, Niden and I managed to convince our alliance leader Julianus Soter. Since Jules—as we lovingly call him—is an avid roleplayer, we had a great argument in our hands by using The Imperium as our model. Not only are they masters of administration, they are also at the top of the roleplaying community in EVE. As a result, Julianus Soter was sold on the idea quickly.
By now, I have wasted enough words on this introduction, so let me cut to the chase. Villore Accords (GMVA) hereby proudly announces the first ever lowsec renter program: The Black-Rise Placid Tenement (BLAPT).
Why Are We Doing This
To begin with, I will take another cue from our role models in Goonswarm and open with brutal honesty. We Faction Warfare players are a poor lot. We mostly fly cheaply fit frigates and have to save for months to afford the Slave and Snake Implants that give us the necessary edge. That is not because of a lack in income opportunities. Everyone knows that Faction Warfare is second only to Wormhole Space in terms of ISK-making potential, and in the past whole alliances have come to FW lowsec to rebuild their financial base. The problem that we have is the attitude of our pilots.
Like I’ve said, the typical Gallente Militia player has no idea how to play the game constructively, in ways that benefit the wallet rather than the killboards. With our renter program, we hope to create an income stream that supports this lifestyle. Think of us like gangsters living in a bad neighbourhood. No education, no job, taking drugs and killing each other in gang wars without even knowing why. To lead a life like this, we need kids on the streets to sell drugs for us and work as underage prostitutes. That is the role we see for BLAPT.
Of course, we also want to provide an opportunity for people incapable of living in lowsec on their own. Another thing we have learned from nullsec alliances is the psychological value of renting out space. A renter who lives and works in nullsec is essentially doing the same as a player in highsec, but they gain pride by living in EVE’s end-game area. They also develop a sense of security because they are protected by effective fighting forces that will act preventively rather than reactively as CONCORD does. Sticking with the gang analogy, if you own a shop in a gang’s “hood”, you can count on their protection. If there is something GMVA does well, it is shooting people in the face.
Naturally, we can not provide the same level of ego boost to our renters since it is only lowsec, but we can provide the same security, and—as I pointed out—the income potential is amazing. Consider the alternative: Who wants to live in wormhole space anyway? There, you have to do everything yourself including infrastructure and defense, and you are even more irrelevant than someone in lowsec. What we have going for us is the gangster ‘hood vibe. In real life, bad neighbourhoods are often very popular with hipsters. They are cheap to live in, have a rough charm and provide many opportunities to set up a thrift store or a coffee shop. We hope for a similar demographic in lowsec that will help us gentrify the area.
What’s In It For Me?
We will set up, administer and protect all aspects of the BLAPT organisational structure, so that prospective members will be assured of a quality service and can join without having to worry about spies and awoxers. As a former spy myself, I will be handling all the internal security based on my experience. Furthermore, we will be using our trusted contacts in Pandemic Legion to do further screening for us by means of their extensive record of accounts and their histories.
We will keep all plexes in the Gallente-Caldari faction war area under surveillance to make sure renters can access them without fear that any actual PvP might take place which could prevent them from concentrating on what they came for: Making ISK hand over fist. To help them further, we will be providing a stockpile of warp-stabbed plexing ships so our renters do not have to worry about any logistics.
In addition, we will be running regular mission fleets that are going to be announced on the BLAPT forums, Slack and Jabber. Those will take place four times per day throughout the week, so we will have one fleet in every major timezone. Renters will be allowed to run their own mission fleets, and even request PvP escorts from Villore Accords for a fair price.
All loyalty point rewards gained in such a way can be exploited to the max by the renters, minus the renting fees (see below). In addition, our market specialists will make sure that all Gallente faction items retain a positive LP-to-ISK value so our renters can maximise their profits. No unexpected market crashes will devalue your well earned gains.
We are aware that nobody becomes a renter because they want to PvP. People rent because they want to make ISK and move away from the unsatisfactory income situation of highsec. Should BLAPT members unexpectedly encounter any actual PvP, they can make use of a special intel channel where standing response fleets from Villore Accords and other GalMil alliances can be requested for assistance. That service will be free of charge because we actually like to have fights and value the fact that our renters are effectively baiting them for us.
We are, however, offering a special bonus for renters who want to spice up their lowsec experience a little bit. For this purpose, there will be weekly fleets involving low-risk PvP like the infamous Thirsty Thrasher Thursday gate camps. The skill requirements, both in-game and personal, for such fleets are minimal. Basically it will be even easier to participate in them than in any nullsec fleet. Locking the target and hitting F1 is all a player needs to do, but contrary to the nullsec equivalent, you only need T1 destroyer and fitting skills to join. Participation in those fleets will lead to discounts in the renting fees owed by every individual.
Nothing unreasonable will be asked of you. We are not going to treat our renters any worse than nullsec alliances do, and your potential income will be much higher. Speaking of which, let me introduce what is required of you as the renter:
The following points specify the simple regulations all BLAPT members will have to adhere to.
Each week individuals will provide Villore Accords with any of the following ship hulls that you can acquire with loyalty points: 5 Federation Navy Comets OR 3 Navy Exequrors OR 2 Navy Vexors OR 1 Navy Dominix/Megathron.
You will not sell any of those ship types on the market. You can exchange LP for them and fly them yourself, but you only trade them with authorised Villore Accords administrators. Failure to comply will result in immediate removal from BLAPT.
You are free to trade any other LP-store items openly on the market, except if directed otherwise. When Villore Accords is calling for an embargo of specific items, we will do so to stabilise LP-to-ISK values. This is for your benefit and failure to comply will result in immediate removal from BLAPT.
Julianus Soter will be occupying the office of Federation Government Representative for Placid and Black Rise. You are to address him as Mister Representative at all times.
Niden is designated Militia Ambassador to the Federation Parliament. Niden is a guy IRL, but his character is female, so you will address him as Madam Ambassador at all times.
All other Villore Accords personnel that will be in administrative roles—such as myself—will be addressed by you as Mister/Madam Administrator at all times.
Gallente Militia players who do not fulfill a specific function for BLAPT will be addressed as Officer whether they are a member of Villore Accords or not.
As a shorthand address, it is acceptable to use Sir/Madam once you have opened a conversation by using the official title at least once.
Repeated failure to comply with that formal conduct will result in official and public warnings. By the third infringement you will immediately be removed from BLAPT
We will issue special t-shirts for BLAPT players. The purchase of those is mandatory as it will support the real-world costs of the administrative third-party IT infrastructure we will be setting up. At any public gathering of EVE players, you are required to wear those t-shirts for the duration of your attendance. Should you be uncharacteristically concerned about personal hygiene, we can provide extra t-shirts at a reduced charge.
You will treat any Villore Accords or GalMil players you encounter at public player gatherings with respect and deference. The titles mentioned above will remain in effect on such occasions, and you will address them as such. You are allowed to talk freely with GalMil players who are designated Officer. All other individuals should only be spoken to once they give you permission. They usually have more important people to talk to.
As I’ve mentioned, nothing really unreasonable here. We wanted to make sure our renter system is in accordance with the standards you can expect elsewhere, with one major difference: since we in Villore Accords represent freedom and democracy, we actually want to keep it more open and modern. No ring-kissing and knee-bending required. That is where we really have to draw the line between us and our role-model The Imperium.
In return to sticking to those simple rules, you will become rich, unburdened by non-consensual PvP, and you get to be one of the cool kids living in lowsec without any of the risk that normally would involve.
For any further inquiries, contact Niden, Julianus Soter or myself.
See you in BLAPT!If, for some obscure reason, or due to severe brain damage, you happen to have taken this article seriously, please be aware that it is 100% satire and seek immediate medical attention. – Niden
Tags: Factional Warfare, humor, satire, tarek
Former nullsec spy (no not under that name of course) and current failure at lowsec solo PVP, Tarek spends his time not logging in to the game as much as he keeps thinking about its social and metagame nature and sharing some of those thoughts with the CZ readers.